The 3rd weekend in January

The 3rd weekend in January.

A weekend for 9 years represents grief.  

Feelings so raw

Reliving them each year

The 3rd weekend in January 2004

I lost a friend 

I lost our first child

11 weeks in and no heartbeat

3 years of trying to conceive

And it was not be 

The 3rd weekend in January

Remembering the devastation

Remembering the depression, the bargaining, the whys, the tears

The 3rd weekend in January 2012

My sister's first birthday she wouldn't celebrate

She would've been 40

The 3rd weekend in January 

It is not my friend

No matter the year

Big stuff, small stuff

It really isn't filled with good stuff

The 3rd weekend in January 

Revealing the power of HOPE

HOPE for a better tomorrow (or several tomorrows later)

Knowledge in my deepest sorrows 

There was HOPE for brighter days

Looking Back at 2012

Welcome to 2013!
I have huge plans for 2013, but I think it's only fair to look back at 2012. To review, to reflect. Where I've been, what I've done and what I've accomplished.  In my rush to move forward and conquer 'stuff' (patching, eczema, asthma, being a good mom, finding 'me' time and the like), I often forget how far I've/we've come in just a year.  Here it is- My 2012 year in review, in no particular order:

• Nick and Delaney get glasses :0)
• Mallory is evaluated for speech therapy after discussing with pediatrician and finally making a self-referral.  It's determined she is about 2 years behind in certain areas and will therefore have 30 minutes of speech therapy twice a week.  I took a deep breath when I heard 'you know we have to classify your child as a child with special needs now.'  
• It's Baseball time- Nick's first year on mechanical pitch

• It's Dance time- Delaney's 3rd year and Mallory's 1st year

My niece, Mallory and Delaney

• It's soccer time- Nick and Delaney both wanted to play and somehow I agreed to coach.  Not really my area of expertise, but I survived and the kids had fun.  This is what I learned coaching 5 & 6 year olds-  Make sure everyone gets to play and have a really good snack at the end :)

Mallory is too young to play, but always supportive

• Mallory 'graduates' from Hope Lutheran Nursery School

• A first (and probably only) Buffalo Bison baseball game. It was stressful for mom, but Nick had a great time.  I'm positive I had more medicine and Clorox wipes than any paramedic there. 

• Mallory is diagnosed with a cataract- HUGE deal for 2012.  Discovered by her pediatrician and confirmed by the PO. Our first plan was to patch for 2 hours, wear her glasses and follow up in 2 months. 

• Mallory has cataract surgery and IOL implant.  She made the surgery so much easier.  Only a few tears fell from her eyes before she willingly went with the nurses and doctor with her bear that the PO patched too :)  I met an amazing mom who introduced me to the world of blogging and other imoms. I will be forever grateful. 

• Peanut allergy is here to stay, along with asthma and eczema.   Nick was retested (we do this about every 2 years). His levels are high, like off the charts high.  This means he's at a greater risk of an anaphylaxis reaction when exposed to peanuts.  

• All 3 kids are baptized! Finally....

• In June, it was a year since my oldest sister died from a heart attack.  We celebrated her life by letting go Chinese Lanterns.  A very cool sight (and very sad)!

• A family trip to Black Lake.  This was our first family vacation with my husband's brothers and their families.  We had a great time boating, fishing, eating and laughing. It makes me wonder why it took 15+ years to spend a weekend together.  
• A visit from brother and his family who live in Colorado. LOVE these visits when ALL the cousins are together.

• Everyone goes to school <insert a few tears>.  Nick is in 2nd, Delaney is in 1st and Mallory started Pre-K.  

• Christmas- always a fun, crazy time

Cousins- impatiently waiting to tear into those gifts

It was a busy, challenging, and fun year! Here's to the same for 2013!

6 months... and counting

Finally! The eye update from December. I have lots of excuses why I didn't update earlier, but none of them are new to anyone who is human this time of year.  So not only will you get this update, there may be lots of posts during the next month :)

So... Mallory had her doctor appointment December 17th.  It's been 6 months since we started this EYE journey! All went well and that is it... Ha!... As if.  My fellow iMoms know that this isn't true.

Really, though, everything went as expected.  Everything is looking good for Mallory.  Her eyesight in her left   eye is a solid 20/30.  We were really hoping for 20/25 so we could reduce, possibly eliminate patch time, but it was wishful thinking.  We have graduated to letters instead of pictures for her exam.  I know she is 4 and for the most part, she knows all her letters, but, honestly, I didn't want to make the eye exam more of challenge so we stuck with the pictures.  Miss Smarty Pants (aka Bossy Pants) did well.  She hasn't quite graduated to sitting in the chair by herself, but she is more confident when we go in and doesn't argue when asked to do different things.  Progress!  It didn't even cost me a trip to Build-A-Bear.

This is what 'perceived control'  looks like

Here's our plan for now... Continue with patching four hours a day and follow up at the end of February.  Completely manageable.  We ordered more patches (camo ones included, just for our camopatchkids Sundays) and more reward charts.  She picks them out along with the prize when the chart is completed (50 patches).  I currently own half of the Build-A-Bear workshop (and half a liquor store. Mommy needs rewards too). I prefer to call this positive reinforcement instead of bribe. We have had fewer days of tears and fights during the past 2 months. Like everything else, some days are better than others.  What I have learned with a 4 year old and patching- As long as she perceives she has control over the patch and the time she wears the patch, then all is well.

One of our camopatchkids Sundays

And finally, we received our bombshell.  The Doctor is leaving (yep, the same doctor as Easton's).  Our next appointment will be our last with her.  Everything Amanda felt/feels, I am feeling the same.  Six months, two years.. I don't think it matters with this PO.  She has the ability to make a connection with her patients. I think Mallory is taking this harder than I am.  She thinks we can go to Florida to see her (and Mickey and the Princesses) because of course the Doctor said to come visit her.  And, of course, she only likes to see
'girl doctors'.  Every appointment she takes in a 'portfolio' of her last artwork.  For Christmas,  she wanted to give her a screwdriver and tape (who knows why those two things). We opted for a more practical gift (caffeine).  I will be forever grateful for her quick approach with Mallory's eye.  Florida will be gaining a truly gifted PO.

So, here's to 2013.  Changes, challenges and choices!