bully.

I've started this post so many times and deleted it just as many.  I'm not really sure where to begin or where to end.  I thought I would have a few years before I would ever have to write about this.  But not so. I guess the easiest way is to start from the beginning. To process it from the beginning. And maybe, just maybe, I'll find my way to the end.

Friday I received a call from the school. My heart always skips a beat when that number shows up.
Me: Hello? (In my meekest, most uncertain voice. The one I always answer with when it's the school calling)
Principal: Hi Heather. It's Tiffany.  First, I just want you to know I have the situation under control.
Me: Ummm. (A variety of things are running through my mind.  They never say that. They always say "Don't    worry. Nothing is wrong')
Principal: We had situation in the cafeteria.  A boy tried to wipe peanut butter on your son's face.  He is fine. He wasn't touched.  I'm handling the situation now, but wanted you to know.

I'm not really sure what was said after that.  I tuned it out.  One of my biggest fears has become reality.  My son was bullied.  An act, a ridiculous, thoughtless act, by a 7 year old put my son's life at risk.  I'm absolutely furious at everyone, at no one.  I want to find out who the child is, talk (maybe not so quietly with the parents) and demand why! Why would you think this was funny? I was already headed to the school for an assembly. Timing couldn't have been better.

I saw my son at school at the assembly.  I wanted to cry when I saw that he was okay. Laughing with friends. He didn't mention the incident.  Good.  It isn't affecting his day. I scoped out all the kids in his class wondering who the little bully was.  Talk about checking your emotions.   I met with the family social worker at school briefly.  I needed to time to process it before I met with the principal.  I had to find the middle of the road between hysterical mom and accommodating mom.  I needed time to tuck the tears away for later that day (maybe over a glass or two of wine).

Here's what I know.  Nick was at his peanut free table when this boy purposely took his fingers, wiped them in his packet of peanut butter he brought for lunch, walked over to Nick and waved them in his face trying to touch him.  Nick immediately backed away and told the monitor.  Kudos to him... My preaching (nagging) has paid off.

The principal was very sincere and understanding.  They are treating this has a bullying/life threatening/harassment act.  The boy will be suspended.  Is this enough? I don't know.  Can I send Nick school without panicking? I don't know.  She asks,'What more do you want me to do?' I Don't Know!  I tell her I need the weekend to think, to process.  I need to talk with Nick and see what he wants.  We'll meet again on Monday.  She assures me she will do whatever needs to be done so Nick feels safe at school.

Here's what I'm feeling now:
Furious~ I'm angry that I even have to deal with this. I'm angry that there are mean people in the world.  I'm angry that unless you're an allergy mom or 'have a child with some sort of special needs' mom... you just don't get it.  You don't get that I live my life in the extreme, the worst case scenario.  You say I'm over protective, maybe a little neurotic.  I'm angry that now I will be a little more neurotic.  I'm angry that I will now have to find the middle road between being hysterical mom and accommodating mom.

Sad~ Sad that Nick will always have fear of going to school now.  Sad that a 7 year old felt the need to be funny and just 'didn't get it.' Sad that Nick will always be singled out because of his allergy.  Sad that I will always worry that Nick won't come home.

Motivated~ Motivated to make a change.  Motivated to help others understand the severity of food allergies.    Motivated to help incorporate food allergies (along with diabetes, etc) more into anti-bullying campaigns, teacher orientations, student orientations.

Overwhelmed~ Overwhelmed with all of it, with all the emotions and all the worry.

Here's my plan (for now) 
First, we praised Nick for doing the right thing and telling a teacher.  I asked Nick how he felt about it.  He says he's 'kind of' afraid to go to school now (my heart just broke a little more).  Reassuring him that it's mine, his dad's and the schools job to make sure he's safe, I asked what we could do.  He wants the student to be moved to a table far away from him and he wants the tables surrounding his to be moved further away because other kids eating peanuts make him nervous.  Pretty good plan for an 8 year old, don't you think?  (I was going to ask the child be removed from Nick's class and not be able to eat in the lunch room, possibly pay a visit to his home. I'm kidding about the last one. I think I'll stick with his very appropriate 8 year old version instead. You can learn a lot from children :)
I'll request these for him and also request that he be able to carry his medicine with him at all times.  I can't control everyone or even the environment, but I can make sure he has quick access to medicine should he need it.  I'll make a bigger deal about his allergy. If I make a bigger deal out of his allergy, maybe they will understand they seriousness of his allergy.

I'm not sure where to end this or if there will be an end in this.  Perhaps it's the beginning of bigger, better things for us and peanut allergy awareness.  Or perhaps it's the beginning of the end of my sanity.